Mr. Tall

Mr. Tall is a man I met very recently. He grabbed my attention in his first email by making me guess every detail about him. At first this was interesting and different. It was a change from the usual emails that either say nothing, or everything all at once. After the third email with no response to “so what do you do for a living?” or its equivalent, I couldn't decide whether the run around was still interesting or whether it was now just annoying. I was definitely leaning towards annoying.

I eventually established that this person had worked a number of professions (I guessed two but gave up and put my foot down in relation to the third one). He was intelligent, well traveled and despite the annoying guesswork, he was actually interesting.

Mr. Tall’s profile read well. He was 6ft tall and purposely made it interesting. He didn't give anything away (much like the first few emails) but put enough catchy comment to leave you hanging. His pictures were a little small and taken from a distance but were of travel overseas. I proceeded with contact.

On the advice of a friend who also uses an online matching site I requested a phone call before meeting (to screen my potential dates once more before putting myself out there in the real world). He replied to my email with a text message pointing out that he hated phone calls but would gladly call to rule out my being a man posing as a woman. I think he was trying to be funny. I didn’t laugh.

He phoned while I was at my parents place. I had just come back from an overseas holiday and was enjoying a drink or two with the folks before the phone call. I may have been slightly under the influence. I excused myself to take the phone call in private. My initial thought, besides that quick one about bad timing, was that his voice was a little high pitched. Now because I was feeling rather merry I figured I was over-exaggerating things in my head. The phone call actually went well. I ranted about the exploitation of people, animals and environment in Asia and he agreed with me. He also agreed to calling me another time to give me clues on our date. To be honest my memory is a little hazy about most of the conversation but I do recall his comment about me not being a man. I think he was trying to be funny. I didn't laugh.

The second phone call was 2 days before our date. It went something like this:

Him: “Meet me at the Restaurant at 12:15”

Me: “Are we having lunch?”

Him: “You can grab something if you want to?”

Me: “So is this going to be one of those weird dates where I come along and order lunch and you sit there watching me eat?” (This is actually something that has happened on a date so I felt a need to clarify)

Him: “It is kind of hard for me to eat out as I am on a no sugar diet. I will be eating something small before I come”

Me: “So I will eat before I come then”

Him: “We can grab a Tea and then we will head out from there”

So we met. When he stood up to greet me I was faced with… well “faced with” implies he was at eye-height. Let’s just say that he was not the 6ft that his profile worded him up to be. I am 5ft 6 (well, probably closer to 5ft 5). He came up to my shoulder! All of a sudden the pitch of his voice didn't seem so odd. It made me think though, at what point did he think I wouldn't notice the difference in 1/2ft? This certainly removed several points from this persons tally (not the height, but the mis-representation of self... and if I am being honest, height also had an impact).

I did my best 'don't look surprised' face (something that I have become very good at since commencing online dating) and I ignored the height difference and moved on to grill him about the no-sugar diet.  I bought him a cup of tea (no milk or sugar) and myself a coffee with both. He explained how fantastic the diet was and why he was on it (to give it a go). Now I am not one for diets so he lost a few more points here. I have a healthy and balanced diet (occasionally tipping the scales for dairy with my cheese addiction) but don't agree with pure and outright restriction. My view is that life is too short to discount all the wonderful olfactory and gustatory stimulation received from a wonderful meal. Depending on the framework that you consider highly restrictive eating, it can also be an unhealthy disorder related to control in less than mentally-healthy individuals. Not that I was putting any labels out there.

It came time to go to the next part of the date. I was told that it was something he had always wanted to do and that he hoped I hadn't before. I was of course left to guess where we were heading next. I reeled off a list of possibilities of which our final destination was amongst them. We moved toward the next activity. As what we were going to be doing became clear, I informed my date that I had in fact been to this place 5 times. He was apologetic but had already purchased a ticket (and wanted to go himself) so I spent the next two hours wandering patiently through a museum. Luckily for me there was a new exhibition which entertained me enough, but we did it separately, meeting up from time to time in between rooms of art.

I should also point out that when we were having a conversation this person did not look at me or make eye-contact when talking, but instead glanced across from time to time. Everything about my date, and our first date left me feeling very under-enthusiastic about additional contact. I said good night and drove away from this person without looking back.

I did a little bit of thinking after this date. It was raising questions in my mind such as - could I be attracted to a man shorter than myself? Was it the height or the deception that bothered me more? Is someone's dietary preferences (or their reasoning for them) influential in my perception of someone? Is there a way to recover in a following date if there was nothing moving in the initial encounter? All of these could warrant blogs of their own.

I settled the questions in my head by falling back on my trusty protocols for managing internet dating. This date reinforced the pearler "If it is awkward before you meet, chances are it is likely to be the same or worse in person". Maybe you can overcome these things with time, but let's face it, I don't want to have to work on and manage a relationship from the first date. I want my relationship to be the sound thing that I leave work and enjoy coming home to. I am making the assumption that I am not alone on this one but the reality is, sometimes that's how I feel because of this ideal... alone. I can understand why some people settle. I'm not one of them, at least not yet, but I can understand why it happens.