Mr. Nice Guy, The Interviewer and The Stalker

In experimenting in my approach to internet dating, there was a point where I decided to skip the written part and get straight to the meeting. I had been internet dating for a few months. I had already met a few strange individuals and was sick of wasting so much time leading to the date, to then realise that these people were "unique" and "interesting". This is the scenery for meeting 'Mr. Nice Guy', 'The Interviewer' and 'The Stalker'.

Given my approach at this time was to meet as many possibles as I could fit in, I had arranged to meet two different men on the same day (at different times obviously), another on the next. I met each man for coffee.

The first man on my list was The Stalker. Now I must confess this guy didn't actually stalk me at all. We met. I bought myself a coffee (as he already had one) and we chatted. This guy was attractive, fit and the conversation wasn't half bad. It wasn't amazing dialogue but considering previous dates it was well within acceptable limits. I can't remember what we talked about now, but it was easy conversation. An hour was up and we went our separate ways. I wasn't bedazzled and I guess he wasn't either as I never heard back from him (I will discuss this at some point in 'Online Etiquette').

"So where did 'The Stalker' title come from then?" I hear you asking. Well I have a number of friends who live vicariously through my dating experiences. On a social occasion where I was meeting up with one such friend she asked me who I had been meeting recently. Since technology is wonderful these days I pulled out my phone and his profile for her to have a look. When my friend saw the picture and the profile she informed me that this character was someone she knew of. She advised in the nicest possible way, that the previous relationship break-up had been messy, and he had been caught breaking into her house and stalking her. After hearing this I was glad we hadn't pursued further contact.

Man 2 on day 1 was Mr. Nice Guy. This guy did buy me a coffee. This guy would probably have done anything I asked of him without questioning. He seemed sad and desperate. He was one of those characters that is completely nice and friendly about everyone and everything (on the surface anyway). I have no doubt that this was not his true feelings but I got a sense that he didn't know what they actually were. After 40 minutes I called the date over and decided to head off and onward to the next date. I don't know about you but I like my partner to be honest with how they are feeling and what they are thinking. I much prefer 'genuine' to 'nice'. I would rather someone know themselves well and be quirky, than always put on a façade of normal (lets face it... everyone is quirky and 'normal' does not exist).

The third man in this series I called The Interviewer. He was an accountant. He wore a business suit (it was a work day) and we had exactly 35 minutes before he had to leave again for work. He was relatively attractive and very well dressed. I met him outside his work and we walked across to a cafe together. From the minute we met this man was down to business. I think I answered more than 100 questions all in quick succession. Every time I tried to turn my answer into a question directed at him it was ignored and faced with another question. It was exhausting (and boring). There were no smiles, no small talk and no wasted time. There was no joking about or banter. All business. This guy knew what he was looking for and I must have been offering something in that general direction otherwise I am sure he would have terminated the activity before the 35 minute time limit. I was glad when this date (or should I say, my 'interview') ended. I did not seek further contact.

So after a succession of such experiences I reconsidered my screening process. I took a bit of a break to focus on friends and life a little more. I re-established written communication as a bridge between first kiss (initial expression of interest) and meeting. This became a solid part of my screening process and still is today [for more on my screening process refer to Profiling or 15 Kisses and a Lot of Misses].

As a side note, I got very sick of meeting for coffee after this time. I am not one for going out for coffee really. I prefer to grab a glass of wine or beer but it is a bit uncouth to suggest this for a first encounter.  I know that a cafe offers a safe forum to 'screen' someone and I used to always say "at least I might get a coffee out of it" but the reality is that I was always disappointed. Most men didn't offer to pay the $3.50 for a hot cuppa. They commonly arrived early and purchased a coffee while waiting. Since this time I have instead constructed a list of activities I would like to do in the area and am working my way through them with my latest dates. Occasionally a man suggests coffee first as a safety screener and sometimes I let them get away with it. I even get the occasional coffee bought for me.