The First Kiss

What makes a good kiss and is it important?  I googled the topic to come across a range of tutorials and online information sources offering tips, videos, things to ponder, what to expect for the kissing novice and a range of other related discussions. From the number of websites dedicated to this topic I guess a lot of people ask this question. Personally I am not so interested in defining or refining my kiss (I have had plenty of practice) but  I have had a number of different end of date experiences in my time internet dating that are worthy of discussion.

The first date/second date kiss issue is one everyone has to face. I like to give subtle clues to my male dates as to whether or not I am receptive to a goodnight kiss. If I stand more than 1 metre away and frantically open my car door to leave, that is me saying "not this time buddy". Other than Ze German there has not been a case of someone kissing me when I don't want them to so I must be making it pretty clear. Now of the first kisses I have received they have ranged from a peck on the cheek through to full on face washing. I will now explore some of the kissing styles that I have been met with through this process.

The Tongue-First Kiss

For those of you out there that have never had the privilege, this kiss rate about a 2/10. His tongue comes out and launches toward you long before he is even close. I have only had one date kiss me like this (I really wish I could have put 'attempt to kiss' in there but at the time I let it slide... I may have been a few beers into the night at this point). These men look very special when they do this. I now dodge a kiss like this one. It is not the kind of kiss that calls for a second, or a first for that matter!

The Face Wash

I am not sure why some people think that it is a turn on to have half your face eaten and spat on, especially as a first kiss, but these guys exist. Now these types of kissers are problematic for a number of reasons. 1. Their saliva dries out your lips; 2. they can get carried away and suck your lips in... which is not pleasant; and 3. They are more likely to be pash rash makers as they lack the awareness of your delicate skin. Overall this kiss rates about a 3/10. It is sometimes addressable through conversation, but let's face it, it is an awkward conversation to be having (and I know because I have had it before). Usually this kiss doesn't lead to another unless there is a hell of a lot of something else there to buffer the impact.

The peck

Now I have to admit that I like the peck. It is safe-ish. It is short and sweet but can lead to more if the feeling is right. The peck works best when there is a slight stagger in lips (as this makes it less of a 5-year-old's kiss and more of a mature-parting-in-public kiss). I rate this one at 9/10 and am always delighted when this is the kiss of choice (if I am after an end of night something) from my date.

The Kiss-on-the-Cheek

The Kiss-on-the-Cheek is a nice parting kiss and also an ideal first kiss. It is the kiss of the non-risk takers. It is friendly, well rehearsed (the kind of kiss used for friends and family) and a nice way to break the physical barrier. It says "Thank you for your time and company" and is a good way for him to gauge whether or not you might be interested in more. This kiss is usually followed by the peck as a second kiss (on the next date). If it is followed by another cheek kiss than maybe friends is the end of the line for that guy. Rating of 8/10 for this one.

The Sailor Kiss

Now for the over-enthusiastic, sometimes it is easy to throw a little too much into a first kiss. The Sailor Kiss is an example of this. This kind of kiss looks great in the movies but it is far too conceited for my liking. Plus... a common side effect is awkward arm (check out her right arm ^) trapped between two bodies (which does actually come in handy when needing to push his face away for air and escape). I have had this one laid on me once (and yes, I used awkward arm to help me out of the awkward kiss fairly promptly). This one is only really good when you know each other well, are having a bit of a laugh, and when there is a person with a camera standing nearby. 4/10.

The Face Grab

Similar to the Sailor Kiss, the face grab can also be a little ambitious for a first kiss. For starters it inhibits any ability to pull away and break the contact when it ceases to become comfortable. It is lovely down the track but as a first kiss I am usually unimpressed. This one gets a 4/10. This one has happened twice. On both occasions my mind took me back to any self defence lessons I had learned, just in case. Not a good start.

The Passionate Kiss

For a passionate kiss to happen there needs to be chemistry and a lot of it. With my history, whenever the chemistry has been great enough to warrant a passionate kiss as a first, the relationship has not gone well. These guys are the charmers. They have been the ones that have swept me off my feet... blindly. Rational ceases to exist... and so does intelligent thought. As much as I love these kisses and these moments, it is a very bad sign!

I spent a great deal of time looking for this chemistry but the years have made me the wiser. I now look for a chemistry rating at about 7 rather than 10.   These relationships seem much more grounded, two-sided and realistic!

My Preferences:

The kiss summarises a range of skills in the other person, from their experience, reading of social situations (and appropriateness), toleration of anxiety and unknown, gauging of emotion, and overall courage (I admit, it must be a little nerve racking to make the move). The reality is that I do judge people on their kissing. I judge them on just about everything, from the way they walk, dress, converse and respond, express themselves, whether they make a move and whether or not it is the right one. I am looking for right. If it's right it feels that way.... it feels right. All of my unsuccessful dates have had a sense of wrongness to them. The most extreme of these I have already blogged or will continue blogging for you.

So what makes a great first kiss? If you hadn't already noticed, I do actually have preferences for the type of kiss coming my way. In my mind, the best first kiss is unassuming. On the cheek with a little overlay on the corner of my mouth. This kind of kiss hides any anxiety about making a move. It is sweet and gentle and offers potential for more (without stealing it).

And for your viewing pleasure, a couple of short and entertaining clips on kissing.