The Photographer has to be one of my all time dating favourites! This guy was in his early 30's. His profile was pretty average and his photos didn't give away too much. What I did know is that this guy was a wedding photographer and on the side of that he was a painter. Now I don't usually go for artistic guys (fine arts or musicians) but I was in one of those 'what the heck' kind of moods.
We got chatting and through a few of the conversations he shared an online album of his work. I shared an album of my photography in return and we commented on each others work. He had a few viewable albums. One was of wedding shots, one of random pictures and another of 'artistic' nudes. I actually like artistic nude photography. I do however prefer it when the photos are suggestive and emotive, rather than all out soft porn. His work leaned toward the latter. I decided it would at least be a good topic of conversation.
As per usual I shared these with friends and we talked about or real impressions of the quality of work. We all agreed (not that I told him) that they were okay, but not amazing. The nude females looked awkward and uncomfortable in some of the shots, so he was unlikely to be the kind of guy that puts his subjects at ease before shooting. He had taken some nice scenery shots, but the were very reminiscent of famous shots taken by other photographers.
I decided to meet The Photographer for a photo date - we would both take cameras and hopefully (if nothing else) I could learn a thing or two more about photography.
It was a mild early spring's day and we met in a very picturesque park on the other side of town. We met at a cafe there and planned to walk around before grabbing lunch and heading our separate ways. He got out of his panel van and walked across to greet me. I got out of my car and watched him walk. From the way he was walking he looked a little special, but I dismissed the thought and began chatting. He was in fact a wall painter (panel van begged the question), rather than an artist.
Things were not off to the best start but we took our cameras and walked across to a more scenic area. On the way we discussed his experience with photography, where he was wanting to go and what had inspired him (for the nude photographs). As it turns out this guy had been working with a photographer and so had the opportunity to take some photos at a wedding. According to him the nude photos came about because he had been approached by a few women wanting their photos. He had taken the nude shots at the request of the ladies in the photos and apparently they had chosen the style of their photos.He threw in that he had purposely put shots online where faces were concealed. I contested the statement, knowing that I had sat back with friends and considered the facial expressions of the women.
The question "where do you see yourself in 5 years time?" is a very interview sounding question, but I usually ask this question if this doesn't naturally come up in conversation. This guys response was insightful. He replied "I want to be famous for my photography". I asked what type of photography and how does he plan to get there but his reply was very vague and undirected. This person was not actively taking any meaningful steps in the direction he planned to be in.
It became pretty obvious that this person was not so much of a photographer and more of a person that owns 4 cameras (he explained that this was so that there were two back-ups in case his back up failed). He also picked the only of those four cameras to take with him that had a flat battery. I gave up on the photography thing (I had actually given up ages ago based on the conversation but the battery was a nice excuse). At this point I was on the verge of starvation, having hit the gym for a good session first thing before our date. I decided to suggest heading in for a bite to eat.
I ordered lasagne and a drink. He decided (after I had ordered) that he would not be having anything but water. I suggested he at least grabbed a drink or something small (to save me eating alone) but he stated that he'd had a late breakfast. I ate. He watched me. It was awkward. I made small talk to ease the discomfort.
We looked like this:
Me - eating my lasagne with a glass of wine.
Him - sitting slouched watching me eat.
Me - making small talk to try and dodge the awkward.
Him - during small talk, grabbing his gut into a doughnut (and jiggling it) whilst telling me how much weight he has put on. He then launched into conversation about how unmotivated he is and how he needs someone to drag him to the gym.
Me - thinking "You have got to be joking!"
At this point he became Mr. Doughnut Belly.
I think the main feeling I was experiencing at that point was disbelief. What was this guy thinking? Does he think? Has the 'Doughnut Belly' trick worked before? Does he really think it is attractive to present himself as unmotivated, with little direction? Who does such a socially abhorrent (okay I may be exaggerating a little) thing on a first date?
He got up to go to the bathroom. I attempted to text message my friend to get me out of there with some kind of friend emergency. He came back from the toilet before I got the chance. I finished my meal quickly and told him I was leaving. I paid for my lunch and drink, got in my car and drove off. I called my friend. She and I laughed about it all the way home. When I got home I discontinued contact.
I know anxiety can do some strange things to people but I would like to think I am pretty good at keeping a situation relaxed when I put effort into it. This guy didn't seem anxious, so I assume that he just wasn't able to think about the consequences of his behaviour before doing it. Clearly the consequences of a doughnut belly are a lack of second dates. Maybe he hadn't clued onto this yet. My thoughts about his specialness from first walking to my car come back to me and I am reminded that gut instincts are sometimes a good thing to go with. If something doesn't seem right then maybe the truth is... it isn't.
As per usual I shared these with friends and we talked about or real impressions of the quality of work. We all agreed (not that I told him) that they were okay, but not amazing. The nude females looked awkward and uncomfortable in some of the shots, so he was unlikely to be the kind of guy that puts his subjects at ease before shooting. He had taken some nice scenery shots, but the were very reminiscent of famous shots taken by other photographers.
I decided to meet The Photographer for a photo date - we would both take cameras and hopefully (if nothing else) I could learn a thing or two more about photography.
It was a mild early spring's day and we met in a very picturesque park on the other side of town. We met at a cafe there and planned to walk around before grabbing lunch and heading our separate ways. He got out of his panel van and walked across to greet me. I got out of my car and watched him walk. From the way he was walking he looked a little special, but I dismissed the thought and began chatting. He was in fact a wall painter (panel van begged the question), rather than an artist.
Things were not off to the best start but we took our cameras and walked across to a more scenic area. On the way we discussed his experience with photography, where he was wanting to go and what had inspired him (for the nude photographs). As it turns out this guy had been working with a photographer and so had the opportunity to take some photos at a wedding. According to him the nude photos came about because he had been approached by a few women wanting their photos. He had taken the nude shots at the request of the ladies in the photos and apparently they had chosen the style of their photos.He threw in that he had purposely put shots online where faces were concealed. I contested the statement, knowing that I had sat back with friends and considered the facial expressions of the women.
The question "where do you see yourself in 5 years time?" is a very interview sounding question, but I usually ask this question if this doesn't naturally come up in conversation. This guys response was insightful. He replied "I want to be famous for my photography". I asked what type of photography and how does he plan to get there but his reply was very vague and undirected. This person was not actively taking any meaningful steps in the direction he planned to be in.
It became pretty obvious that this person was not so much of a photographer and more of a person that owns 4 cameras (he explained that this was so that there were two back-ups in case his back up failed). He also picked the only of those four cameras to take with him that had a flat battery. I gave up on the photography thing (I had actually given up ages ago based on the conversation but the battery was a nice excuse). At this point I was on the verge of starvation, having hit the gym for a good session first thing before our date. I decided to suggest heading in for a bite to eat.
I ordered lasagne and a drink. He decided (after I had ordered) that he would not be having anything but water. I suggested he at least grabbed a drink or something small (to save me eating alone) but he stated that he'd had a late breakfast. I ate. He watched me. It was awkward. I made small talk to ease the discomfort.
We looked like this:
Me - eating my lasagne with a glass of wine.
Him - sitting slouched watching me eat.
Me - making small talk to try and dodge the awkward.
Him - during small talk, grabbing his gut into a doughnut (and jiggling it) whilst telling me how much weight he has put on. He then launched into conversation about how unmotivated he is and how he needs someone to drag him to the gym.
Me - thinking "You have got to be joking!"
At this point he became Mr. Doughnut Belly.
I think the main feeling I was experiencing at that point was disbelief. What was this guy thinking? Does he think? Has the 'Doughnut Belly' trick worked before? Does he really think it is attractive to present himself as unmotivated, with little direction? Who does such a socially abhorrent (okay I may be exaggerating a little) thing on a first date?
He got up to go to the bathroom. I attempted to text message my friend to get me out of there with some kind of friend emergency. He came back from the toilet before I got the chance. I finished my meal quickly and told him I was leaving. I paid for my lunch and drink, got in my car and drove off. I called my friend. She and I laughed about it all the way home. When I got home I discontinued contact.
I know anxiety can do some strange things to people but I would like to think I am pretty good at keeping a situation relaxed when I put effort into it. This guy didn't seem anxious, so I assume that he just wasn't able to think about the consequences of his behaviour before doing it. Clearly the consequences of a doughnut belly are a lack of second dates. Maybe he hadn't clued onto this yet. My thoughts about his specialness from first walking to my car come back to me and I am reminded that gut instincts are sometimes a good thing to go with. If something doesn't seem right then maybe the truth is... it isn't.
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