Online Etiquette

In any social situation there are common social courtesies that we take for granted. We don't necessarily notice them when negotiating social life but when they aren't there it becomes bleedingly obvious. For example, social rules dictate that personal hygiene is important when trying to make a good impression. If we take a dancing scenario, that person who turns up to a social dance in two day old undies with no deodorant in the heat of summer is not likely get a dance... or at least not more than one. But this is in the social world. 

In the online world of social awkwardness and unwritten rules, etiquette is something that is redifined, if not wiped out altogether. Just to clarify, etiquette is defined as "the customary code of polite behaviour in society or among members of a particular profession or group" (thanks google). What happens when these customs have been defined by a group of people who would rather interact with a computer than another human being (Yes, I am making a broad assumption that a lot of people that paved the way to current internet use were less socially adept or comfortable with the etiquette of the wider social world)?

I believe that one of the most important parts of a relationship is communication. For many years I have sat by friend's sides, calling their exes bastards for doing the most pitiful and cowardice of things - this is of course breaking up over a text message. I would console my friends and agree that these men are too ball-less to face them and be honest. In the internet world of today, it is rare to even to get a message!!

That's right, the biggest difference in dating online that I have noticed involves communication. Now I am just a guilty as the next person in letting communication drizzle and fizz out or be too busy to reply to a message. I have not stated my lack of interest clearly and once I even purposely ignored an email. Most of the time though, I make an effort to be clear about where the other stands. I reply to kisses letting people know that I am not interested. I follow up dates with an email requesting friends (at most) only. I can't say this is the norm. 

What I have experienced is people dropping off the virtual world (at least from my end it appears that way) or never calling or replying back. Don't get me wrong, I have not been sitting at my phone desperately willing them to call. I have never taken it personally and maybe that is the thing. In a world where we can connect to billions of people from out lounge room, people become expendable. When the main form of communication has been through a computer screen maybe etiquette need not apply. At times I come to think this kind of thing is actually expected.

When deliberating on the topic I am often brought back to the pre-feminism gentleman who opened doors, paid for dinner and made sure the girl got home okay. These men in today's world are a rarity. Maybe all those women who wanted to assert their independence beat it out of them. Maybe it was just a change in expectations that led to the demise of chivalry. Whatever the case, I appreciate a gentleman. It would be sad to think that the same thing is happening with communication.

I would hate to think that we are moving into a world where people are considered just another computer alias and deleted as quickly as they appeared. Maybe this is the inevitable but I will continue holding the flag. I will continue making that phone call or sending that message (depending on the most frequent form of communication). I will continue to remember that everyone I talk to, no matter how weird the date was or even if only through a computer screen, is in fact a human being, deserving to be treated as such. I will continue to be delighted when I am met with the same.