Guy From the Train

During a quiet spot for internet dating I was on a trip interstate and was drawn into conversation by a man on the train. At the end of the trip he gave me his email. At the time I took it because I was only half following what he was saying. It was noisy on the train, had been a big day and I was on my way to an event in the city. I thought he was selling mini-motors for push bikes and at the time I was looking into buying one to make the last hill home more pleasant. Now this guy technically isn't an internet date, but the further contact with him happened because of my internet dating experiences at the time.

So I returned home with his email and wrote to him. It was just a simple message addressed to 'Guy from the Train'. I stated that I had made it home safely and was now looking forward the photos of his bike parts that he was talking about. He wrote back. His subject was 'In from the rain'. It was clear from his first email that he was not just trying to sell me something (in fact he wasn't selling anything at all). The email was filled with information about his day and the things going on in his life. It was very reminiscent of an internet dating email. He was interesting and I was a little over internet dating experiences at the time so I figured 'what the heck' (a line I should apparently be a lot more cautious of). We continued exchanging emails, each time he changed his subject title to rhyme with 'guy from the train'.

I was heading back to the state that I had met him to see my family. I arranged with the guy from the train to meet up. We did. He met me at a train station. He went straight in for the kiss (which I found a little odd as we had not defined what we were and could easily just be 'pen pals'). The meeting became a brief holiday fling.

On the first day (just after meeting at the train station) he called past his parents to buy some of their honey and introduced me to them. I politely engaged in conversation until I was able to get him to notice that I wanted to leave. They were lovely people who wanted to stuff us with food and send us away with bags of fruit. He later told me that they had been praying for me to come into his life... Awkward.

He came out and visited me while I was at my parents. We went swimming, bike riding, shopping, shared lunch and dinner and enjoyed each others company. Most activities were pleasurable and it was nice to have no pressure to do anything or be anywhere. The only thing that was bugging me at this point was his need to stop whenever talking. Even this was not too much of a problem until we actually went for a long walk along the beach.

Picture this. Two people holding hands along the beach. Enjoying the long empty dunes and wild waves. Peaceful, right? Wrong! It wasn't for me! Every time he wanted to say something... anything, he would stop. He would wait until I had stopped too, and made eye contact before continuing. At first this was fine. I took a number of approaches to the situation. I pointed it out to him. That made no change. I kept walking, dragging him with me. That worked... minimally. By the end of the 3 hour walk I was sick of the energy I needed to put into him, and was fast developing a stress twitch in my eye!

As I got to know the guy from the train, I learnt more and more about him. He spent a long time telling me how successful he had been. He told me of the money he had made and lost through stocks, from owning land and business. He told me about his current work designing, and how it will make him rich. He told me of the profit his friends had made on his advice and of the people he had met over his years. He was odd but interesting and I was enjoying his interest in me, even if the conversational topics were ultimately about money.

I spent time with my family in the middle of my holidays and then went to stay with him the last two nights before flying home. He picked me up from my parents and we drove off into the distance.

The car trip was a bit of an issue. The car itself was lovely. It was a little old, but ran well and had a soft top. The car was not the problem though, it was his driving. Every time he spoke he would let go of the steering wheel and look at me, using both hands in his expression! It freaked me out. I probably left it too long and instead of raising the subject unemotionally, I snapped at him. I asked sternly that he keep at least one hand on the wheel, and an eye on the road at all times. The mood darkened a little.

His place
When I saw his place, what I saw was not too promising. He rented a lovely unit on the (swampy) waterfront near where I used to live. He had some possessions, but only few. Most things were second hand. The cupboard was mostly empty and it was obvious that in general, no one else came there. He owned no bottle opener, enough cutlery for one, one plate, one bowl, and a few glasses. This was not an entertaining home. It was the sad and depressing place that this man chose to live in, alone. There was no evidence to support his claims of success. There was no evidence of too many friends in his life either.

After a more recent incident with a fraudulent ex-partner of mine, I was very put off by the lack of consistency in his story and his actual life. I was feeling uneasy and I trusted that feeling more than I did his stories. This guy offered no security, didn't appear to have achieved much or maintained anything he had. So I had the conversation with the guy from the train. I let him know that maybe it wasn't me that his parents were praying for, and that it had been nice but that was all.

He cried. It was awkward. I put a hand on his back and tried to sympathise. He continued to cry... For 20 minutes! A lot went through me head at this time. I thought about my parents, and how nice it would have been to spend an extra day with them. I thought about work and what I had to get back to at home. I focussed on the music playing on the radio. All the while I was resting a hand on his back, stiff and lifeless. I guess he eventually picked up on it. He then got up angrily and started carrying on about being a "silly man". That was a little more awkward and I just sat and let him go for it. I didn't strictly agree with him but did highlight that we had only known each other in person for 7 days, 2 days of which we didn't see each other... I don't think that helped the situation.

He decided that the weather was too warm to drive to the airport so he drove me to the train station instead. I told him I wanted to take the train on my own. He didn't listen. I wanted to stare blankly at the scenery I had watched so many times before. He wanted to talk. I was glad to reach the end of that train ride and say goodbye. I was exhausted.

When I returned home I wrote him another email. I thanked him for his time and wished him all the best. I haven't heard from him again, but on last email, he had gone out and bought a dinner set and some cutlery and was inviting some people over for dinner. Maybe I was what his parents were praying for after all.