Mr. English

On first contact Mr. English was turned down. In fact he actually annoyed me. Through a series of communications however, we ended up chatting on the phone and meeting up in a relatively quick time frame. It all played out as follows.

He had no information on his profile and I made a note of selecting that reply kiss that spelt out "PUT SOMETHING IN YOUR PROFILE". He replied with an email.

Him (first email): "I agree, I do need to update my profile but thought it would be more personal if I sent you an email in the meantime" (he also included his email in case it cost me to reply). 
Me: "Thanks for the email. No stamps needed to reply. I don't tend to reply to people with nothing in their profile as I don't have anything about them to go on."
Him: "Sorry about that, I really should add some improvements to my profile.  Hopefully there will be some more info on there for when you return"
Me: "Well I checked your profile and there doesn't seem to be much more up there!"
Him: "First of all, I apologise for not doing some improvements to my profile.  I had a few unexpected things come up over the weekend.  Unfortunately, I had to help my sister-in-law move some of her mum's furniture as she's just been permanently admitted to a care home.  Sad I know, but I'm sure it's for the best.  So as for my weekend, it was quite emotional for all concerned but hey, it's Monday and hopefully the start to a great week!"

At this point I ended up just chatting with him through email. As it turns out he was a fully qualified mechanical engineer. He had recently moved across from the Northern Territory and was living with family members. He seemed alright. His spelling a grammar couldn't be faulted. He also got a couple of bonus points for being new in town (counts towards answering the 'why is this person single?' question that I ask myself).

He phoned me one night before I was heading off for a short holiday. He no longer had an English accent but asserted that he still had his British wit and sense of humour. I told him not to work himself up too much as there is further to fall. Throughout the call he didn't say anything that made me laugh (wit and humour looking a little unlikely) but there was nothing awkward about the conversation either. Since I was going to be away we decided to meet for breakfast before I took off (this would save me feeling a need to continue communication if there was nothing there).

So I walked in at the time we had planned to meet. I looked around and the cafe was full. No one was looking at the door expectantly. I looked across at one man on his own. He had a coffee in hand. He looked back at me blankly. I wasn't sure if it was him or not (there was only one small and relatively poor photo on his profile). I had told him I was going to be wearing a flower in my hair (as I always do) and assumed he would recognise me from the many photos I had on my profile. Nope. I had to go up and ask if it was him. It was. He looked okay, but not as good as the photo originally suggested.

The first thing I noticed about this guy was his teeth.

They were coffee coloured, crooked and had gaps where teeth were missing. I didn't think it was possible but one of his central incisors was in the middle of his mouth and on a diagonal. No word of a lie here!  I pictured my future kids with faces full or crooked, brown teeth and was immediately put off. Looking past his teeth (or trying to) we moved into conversation while deciding on breakfast.

I asked how the trip in had been this morning (he had travelled in from quite a distance). He then launched into telling me about his radar detector that allows him to speed and avoid speed cameras. He had made it in with record time. I don't think it occurred to him that his reckless driving would be problematic when he was being considered for more than a temporary citizen. He had also been in two motorcycle accidents (might explain the teeth?) and was keen to continue riding once he shipped his bikes across.

The next topic of conversation was a great improvement (sarcasm). He discussed his detest of old people's homes. He mentioned that he didn't like their smell, their dark and dreariness, and all the old people dribbling on their shoulders. I was feeling a little offended by his comments and replied with some positive statement about the potential of retirement homes. He then acknowledged that I worked in health and stopped talking.

I decided to create the next topic of conversation. I picked something safe... television and favourite shows. I don't watch much general TV so I am pretty limited to what others give and recommend. He loved TV. His favourite programs were 'Everybody Loves Raymond' (I hate that show) and a show on clairvoyance and mediums. He lost a number of points here. He proceeded to discuss the uncanny ability of mediums to just "know things that know one else can know". His favourite was John Edward. Now I am pretty open minded, but definitely keep in mind all evidence when considering something like mediums and clairvoyants. I discussed theories around hot an cold readings, as well as the finding that John Edward had been found collecting information about the audience before his shows (hot readings). I brought up the low rate of dead people located by mediums and the vague nature of any information they do provide. My date re-asserted "but there is just some things they know that no one else does". I gave up on this conversation.

Breakfast was nice and I got my coffee. From a distance I couldn't help but notice the bad breath (probably resultant from the rotting teeth) every time he talked in my direction. I moved into a more laid back (and away) position to avoid getting a better whiff. While I was sitting there listening, I was watching this guy start to look more and more like Steve Buscemi. The eyes were similar, bulging slightly with crows feet underneath. The teeth probably played into this image as well.

I am not sure what exactly led to my decision to proceed no further with this guy. It was probably a combination of the breath and teeth, the awkward conversation, the risk-taking and the fact that he was living with family and not holding a job. He refused to take my money and paid for breakfast. I slipped some money into his pocket so that I didn't feel bad.

My final email to him was as follows:
While we still have credit to contact I just wanted to thank you for the other morning. I don't think it will work out between us but best of luck in your search. 

By the way, you still haven't put any information in your profile. You might get a better reply rate if you do. It shows that you are willing to put the energy in to putting yourself out there. It also shows that you have nothing to hide.

I hope all is going well with your family and life. Take care

Maybe it was  a little out of line to continue telling him that he needed to update his profile but I felt it was an important thing. Most women who I have spoken to that also internet date have stated that they do not accept contact from men with no details on their profile. He eventually replied to my email, thanking me and noting that he owed me $10. I told him to keep it for his next date.