The First Kiss

What makes a good kiss and is it important?  I googled the topic to come across a range of tutorials and online information sources offering tips, videos, things to ponder, what to expect for the kissing novice and a range of other related discussions. From the number of websites dedicated to this topic I guess a lot of people ask this question. Personally I am not so interested in defining or refining my kiss (I have had plenty of practice) but  I have had a number of different end of date experiences in my time internet dating that are worthy of discussion.

The first date/second date kiss issue is one everyone has to face. I like to give subtle clues to my male dates as to whether or not I am receptive to a goodnight kiss. If I stand more than 1 metre away and frantically open my car door to leave, that is me saying "not this time buddy". Other than Ze German there has not been a case of someone kissing me when I don't want them to so I must be making it pretty clear. Now of the first kisses I have received they have ranged from a peck on the cheek through to full on face washing. I will now explore some of the kissing styles that I have been met with through this process.

The Tongue-First Kiss

For those of you out there that have never had the privilege, this kiss rate about a 2/10. His tongue comes out and launches toward you long before he is even close. I have only had one date kiss me like this (I really wish I could have put 'attempt to kiss' in there but at the time I let it slide... I may have been a few beers into the night at this point). These men look very special when they do this. I now dodge a kiss like this one. It is not the kind of kiss that calls for a second, or a first for that matter!

The Face Wash

I am not sure why some people think that it is a turn on to have half your face eaten and spat on, especially as a first kiss, but these guys exist. Now these types of kissers are problematic for a number of reasons. 1. Their saliva dries out your lips; 2. they can get carried away and suck your lips in... which is not pleasant; and 3. They are more likely to be pash rash makers as they lack the awareness of your delicate skin. Overall this kiss rates about a 3/10. It is sometimes addressable through conversation, but let's face it, it is an awkward conversation to be having (and I know because I have had it before). Usually this kiss doesn't lead to another unless there is a hell of a lot of something else there to buffer the impact.

The peck

Now I have to admit that I like the peck. It is safe-ish. It is short and sweet but can lead to more if the feeling is right. The peck works best when there is a slight stagger in lips (as this makes it less of a 5-year-old's kiss and more of a mature-parting-in-public kiss). I rate this one at 9/10 and am always delighted when this is the kiss of choice (if I am after an end of night something) from my date.

The Kiss-on-the-Cheek

The Kiss-on-the-Cheek is a nice parting kiss and also an ideal first kiss. It is the kiss of the non-risk takers. It is friendly, well rehearsed (the kind of kiss used for friends and family) and a nice way to break the physical barrier. It says "Thank you for your time and company" and is a good way for him to gauge whether or not you might be interested in more. This kiss is usually followed by the peck as a second kiss (on the next date). If it is followed by another cheek kiss than maybe friends is the end of the line for that guy. Rating of 8/10 for this one.

The Sailor Kiss

Now for the over-enthusiastic, sometimes it is easy to throw a little too much into a first kiss. The Sailor Kiss is an example of this. This kind of kiss looks great in the movies but it is far too conceited for my liking. Plus... a common side effect is awkward arm (check out her right arm ^) trapped between two bodies (which does actually come in handy when needing to push his face away for air and escape). I have had this one laid on me once (and yes, I used awkward arm to help me out of the awkward kiss fairly promptly). This one is only really good when you know each other well, are having a bit of a laugh, and when there is a person with a camera standing nearby. 4/10.

The Face Grab

Similar to the Sailor Kiss, the face grab can also be a little ambitious for a first kiss. For starters it inhibits any ability to pull away and break the contact when it ceases to become comfortable. It is lovely down the track but as a first kiss I am usually unimpressed. This one gets a 4/10. This one has happened twice. On both occasions my mind took me back to any self defence lessons I had learned, just in case. Not a good start.

The Passionate Kiss

For a passionate kiss to happen there needs to be chemistry and a lot of it. With my history, whenever the chemistry has been great enough to warrant a passionate kiss as a first, the relationship has not gone well. These guys are the charmers. They have been the ones that have swept me off my feet... blindly. Rational ceases to exist... and so does intelligent thought. As much as I love these kisses and these moments, it is a very bad sign!

I spent a great deal of time looking for this chemistry but the years have made me the wiser. I now look for a chemistry rating at about 7 rather than 10.   These relationships seem much more grounded, two-sided and realistic!

My Preferences:

The kiss summarises a range of skills in the other person, from their experience, reading of social situations (and appropriateness), toleration of anxiety and unknown, gauging of emotion, and overall courage (I admit, it must be a little nerve racking to make the move). The reality is that I do judge people on their kissing. I judge them on just about everything, from the way they walk, dress, converse and respond, express themselves, whether they make a move and whether or not it is the right one. I am looking for right. If it's right it feels that way.... it feels right. All of my unsuccessful dates have had a sense of wrongness to them. The most extreme of these I have already blogged or will continue blogging for you.

So what makes a great first kiss? If you hadn't already noticed, I do actually have preferences for the type of kiss coming my way. In my mind, the best first kiss is unassuming. On the cheek with a little overlay on the corner of my mouth. This kind of kiss hides any anxiety about making a move. It is sweet and gentle and offers potential for more (without stealing it).

And for your viewing pleasure, a couple of short and entertaining clips on kissing.

Online Etiquette

In any social situation there are common social courtesies that we take for granted. We don't necessarily notice them when negotiating social life but when they aren't there it becomes bleedingly obvious. For example, social rules dictate that personal hygiene is important when trying to make a good impression. If we take a dancing scenario, that person who turns up to a social dance in two day old undies with no deodorant in the heat of summer is not likely get a dance... or at least not more than one. But this is in the social world. 

In the online world of social awkwardness and unwritten rules, etiquette is something that is redifined, if not wiped out altogether. Just to clarify, etiquette is defined as "the customary code of polite behaviour in society or among members of a particular profession or group" (thanks google). What happens when these customs have been defined by a group of people who would rather interact with a computer than another human being (Yes, I am making a broad assumption that a lot of people that paved the way to current internet use were less socially adept or comfortable with the etiquette of the wider social world)?

I believe that one of the most important parts of a relationship is communication. For many years I have sat by friend's sides, calling their exes bastards for doing the most pitiful and cowardice of things - this is of course breaking up over a text message. I would console my friends and agree that these men are too ball-less to face them and be honest. In the internet world of today, it is rare to even to get a message!!

That's right, the biggest difference in dating online that I have noticed involves communication. Now I am just a guilty as the next person in letting communication drizzle and fizz out or be too busy to reply to a message. I have not stated my lack of interest clearly and once I even purposely ignored an email. Most of the time though, I make an effort to be clear about where the other stands. I reply to kisses letting people know that I am not interested. I follow up dates with an email requesting friends (at most) only. I can't say this is the norm. 

What I have experienced is people dropping off the virtual world (at least from my end it appears that way) or never calling or replying back. Don't get me wrong, I have not been sitting at my phone desperately willing them to call. I have never taken it personally and maybe that is the thing. In a world where we can connect to billions of people from out lounge room, people become expendable. When the main form of communication has been through a computer screen maybe etiquette need not apply. At times I come to think this kind of thing is actually expected.

When deliberating on the topic I am often brought back to the pre-feminism gentleman who opened doors, paid for dinner and made sure the girl got home okay. These men in today's world are a rarity. Maybe all those women who wanted to assert their independence beat it out of them. Maybe it was just a change in expectations that led to the demise of chivalry. Whatever the case, I appreciate a gentleman. It would be sad to think that the same thing is happening with communication.

I would hate to think that we are moving into a world where people are considered just another computer alias and deleted as quickly as they appeared. Maybe this is the inevitable but I will continue holding the flag. I will continue making that phone call or sending that message (depending on the most frequent form of communication). I will continue to remember that everyone I talk to, no matter how weird the date was or even if only through a computer screen, is in fact a human being, deserving to be treated as such. I will continue to be delighted when I am met with the same.

The Photographer a.k.a. Mr. Doughnut Belly

The Photographer has to be one of my all time dating favourites! This guy was in his early 30's. His profile was pretty average and his photos didn't give away too much. What I did know is that this guy was a wedding photographer and on the side of that he was a painter. Now I don't usually go for artistic guys (fine arts or musicians) but I was in one of those 'what the heck' kind of moods. 

We got chatting and through a few of the conversations he shared an online album of his work. I shared an  album of my photography in return and we commented on each others work. He had a few viewable albums. One was of wedding shots, one of random pictures and another of 'artistic' nudes. I actually like artistic nude photography. I do however prefer it when the photos are suggestive and emotive, rather than all out soft porn. His work leaned toward the latter. I decided it would at least be a good topic of conversation.

As per usual I shared these with friends and we talked about or real impressions of the quality of work. We all agreed (not that I told him) that they were okay, but not amazing. The  nude females looked awkward and uncomfortable in some of the shots, so he was unlikely to be the kind of guy that puts his subjects at ease before shooting. He had taken some nice scenery shots, but the were very reminiscent of famous shots taken by other photographers.

I decided to meet The Photographer for a photo date - we would both take cameras and hopefully (if nothing else) I could learn a thing or two more about photography.

It was a mild early spring's day and we met in a very picturesque park on the other side of town. We met at a cafe there and planned to walk around before grabbing lunch and heading our separate ways. He got out of his panel van and walked across to greet me. I got out of my car and watched him walk. From the way he was walking he looked a little special, but I dismissed the thought and began chatting. He was in fact a wall painter (panel van begged the question), rather than an artist.

Things were not off to the best start but we took our cameras and walked across to a more scenic area. On the way we discussed his experience with photography, where he was wanting to go and what had inspired him (for the nude photographs). As it turns out this guy had been working with a photographer and so had the opportunity to take some photos at a wedding. According to him the nude photos came about because he had been approached by a few women wanting their photos. He had taken the nude shots at the request of the ladies in the photos and apparently they had chosen the style of their photos.He threw in that he had purposely put shots online where faces were concealed. I contested the statement, knowing that I had sat back with friends and considered the facial expressions of the women.

The question "where do you see yourself in 5 years time?"  is a very interview sounding question, but I usually ask this question if this doesn't naturally come up in conversation. This guys response was insightful. He replied "I want to be famous for my photography". I asked what type of photography and how does he plan to get there but his reply was very vague and undirected. This person was not actively taking any meaningful steps in the direction he planned to be in.

It became pretty obvious that this person was not so much of a photographer and more of a person that owns 4 cameras (he explained that this was so that there were two back-ups in case his back up failed). He also picked the only of those four cameras to take with him that had a flat battery. I gave up on the photography thing (I had actually given up ages ago based on the conversation but the battery was a nice excuse). At this point I was on the verge of starvation, having hit the gym for a good session first thing before our date. I decided to suggest heading in for a bite to eat.

I ordered lasagne and a drink. He decided (after I had ordered) that he would not be having anything but water. I suggested he at least grabbed a drink or something small (to save me eating alone) but he stated that he'd had a late breakfast. I ate. He watched me. It was awkward. I made small talk to ease the discomfort.

We looked like this:
Me - eating my lasagne with a glass of wine.
Him - sitting slouched watching me eat.
Me - making small talk to try and dodge the awkward.
Him - during small talk, grabbing his gut into a doughnut (and jiggling it) whilst telling me how much weight he has put on. He then launched into conversation about how unmotivated he is and how he needs someone to drag him to the gym.
Me - thinking "You have got to be joking!"

At this point he became Mr. Doughnut Belly.

I think the main feeling I was experiencing at that point was disbelief. What was this guy thinking? Does he think? Has the 'Doughnut Belly' trick worked before? Does he really think it is attractive to present himself as unmotivated, with little direction? Who does such a socially abhorrent (okay I may be exaggerating a little) thing on a first date? 

He got up to go to the bathroom. I attempted to text message my friend to get me out of there with some kind of friend emergency. He came back from the toilet before I got the chance. I finished my meal quickly and told him I was leaving. I paid for my lunch and drink, got in my car and drove off. I called my friend. She and I laughed about it all the way home. When I got home I discontinued contact.

I know anxiety can do some strange things to people but I would like to think I am pretty good at keeping a situation relaxed when I put effort into it. This guy didn't seem anxious, so I assume that he just wasn't able to think about the consequences of his behaviour before doing it. Clearly the consequences of a doughnut belly are a lack of second dates. Maybe he hadn't clued onto this yet. My thoughts about his specialness from first walking to my car come back to me and I am reminded that gut instincts are sometimes a good thing to go with. If something doesn't seem right then maybe the truth is... it isn't.

Mr. Nice Guy, The Interviewer and The Stalker

In experimenting in my approach to internet dating, there was a point where I decided to skip the written part and get straight to the meeting. I had been internet dating for a few months. I had already met a few strange individuals and was sick of wasting so much time leading to the date, to then realise that these people were "unique" and "interesting". This is the scenery for meeting 'Mr. Nice Guy', 'The Interviewer' and 'The Stalker'.

Given my approach at this time was to meet as many possibles as I could fit in, I had arranged to meet two different men on the same day (at different times obviously), another on the next. I met each man for coffee.

The first man on my list was The Stalker. Now I must confess this guy didn't actually stalk me at all. We met. I bought myself a coffee (as he already had one) and we chatted. This guy was attractive, fit and the conversation wasn't half bad. It wasn't amazing dialogue but considering previous dates it was well within acceptable limits. I can't remember what we talked about now, but it was easy conversation. An hour was up and we went our separate ways. I wasn't bedazzled and I guess he wasn't either as I never heard back from him (I will discuss this at some point in 'Online Etiquette').

"So where did 'The Stalker' title come from then?" I hear you asking. Well I have a number of friends who live vicariously through my dating experiences. On a social occasion where I was meeting up with one such friend she asked me who I had been meeting recently. Since technology is wonderful these days I pulled out my phone and his profile for her to have a look. When my friend saw the picture and the profile she informed me that this character was someone she knew of. She advised in the nicest possible way, that the previous relationship break-up had been messy, and he had been caught breaking into her house and stalking her. After hearing this I was glad we hadn't pursued further contact.

Man 2 on day 1 was Mr. Nice Guy. This guy did buy me a coffee. This guy would probably have done anything I asked of him without questioning. He seemed sad and desperate. He was one of those characters that is completely nice and friendly about everyone and everything (on the surface anyway). I have no doubt that this was not his true feelings but I got a sense that he didn't know what they actually were. After 40 minutes I called the date over and decided to head off and onward to the next date. I don't know about you but I like my partner to be honest with how they are feeling and what they are thinking. I much prefer 'genuine' to 'nice'. I would rather someone know themselves well and be quirky, than always put on a façade of normal (lets face it... everyone is quirky and 'normal' does not exist).

The third man in this series I called The Interviewer. He was an accountant. He wore a business suit (it was a work day) and we had exactly 35 minutes before he had to leave again for work. He was relatively attractive and very well dressed. I met him outside his work and we walked across to a cafe together. From the minute we met this man was down to business. I think I answered more than 100 questions all in quick succession. Every time I tried to turn my answer into a question directed at him it was ignored and faced with another question. It was exhausting (and boring). There were no smiles, no small talk and no wasted time. There was no joking about or banter. All business. This guy knew what he was looking for and I must have been offering something in that general direction otherwise I am sure he would have terminated the activity before the 35 minute time limit. I was glad when this date (or should I say, my 'interview') ended. I did not seek further contact.

So after a succession of such experiences I reconsidered my screening process. I took a bit of a break to focus on friends and life a little more. I re-established written communication as a bridge between first kiss (initial expression of interest) and meeting. This became a solid part of my screening process and still is today [for more on my screening process refer to Profiling or 15 Kisses and a Lot of Misses].

As a side note, I got very sick of meeting for coffee after this time. I am not one for going out for coffee really. I prefer to grab a glass of wine or beer but it is a bit uncouth to suggest this for a first encounter.  I know that a cafe offers a safe forum to 'screen' someone and I used to always say "at least I might get a coffee out of it" but the reality is that I was always disappointed. Most men didn't offer to pay the $3.50 for a hot cuppa. They commonly arrived early and purchased a coffee while waiting. Since this time I have instead constructed a list of activities I would like to do in the area and am working my way through them with my latest dates. Occasionally a man suggests coffee first as a safety screener and sometimes I let them get away with it. I even get the occasional coffee bought for me.

Ze German

Ze German is a recent date of mine. He was a few years younger than me, studying part time, managing a store part time and in then with any spare time he was internet dating. My initial thoughts on this person said 'probably not'. From his pictures I didn’t really warm to him and I am not too keen to walk back into student life (after only having freed myself from it a year or so ago). In saying this, he was working (so not likely to be living in student squalor) and his written profile was somewhat appealing. He was half German half Italian.

It was a low patch for internet dating interest so I thought “what the heck” and accepted contact. He emailed straight up. He was enthusiastic and interesting and included suggestions for a first date at the end. We emailed minimally before phoning and meeting up. I wasn't excited to email him and he was keen on skipping formalities. This was probably a mistake.

For the first date we went on a long drive and lunch. He had dark curly hair with wisps of grey throughout. He also lacked a definable jaw line and chin, but instead had a dimple where his chin should be. Despite the greying doo, he was evidently younger than I. He drove a little recklessly at times which made me a feel uneasy (there was no need to be rushing), but the conversation came easily from both sides. He spoke a number of languages. He spoke them to me at different times across the date. Internally I was trying to decipher whether he was showing off or trying to ascertain my multi-lingual abilities (non-existent). I smiled and nodded appropriately (I guess), not understanding a thing he was saying. I never came to a conclusion on this one.

We stopped off for a coffee at a gorgeous location on the water. I was glad for the drink, if for no other reason than to clear the white spittle from the corner of his mouth that had been bugging me. He opened my door for me and he paid. It was nice. This doesn’t usually happen for me on dates. We sat and chatted for about 30 minutes before moving on to the next location. He raced to car door to open it for me. It was a little weird but a nice gesture.

I always try to get  sense of my date's relationships with family members. I hold the belief that how someone treats the females in their family is indicative of their deep seated values in relation to the opposite sex. One comment that bothered me was on ze German’s dislike of emotionality. He stated not only that he didn’t understand highly emotional people, but that he didn’t like them. I wasn’t sure what ‘highly emotional’ was exactly, at least in ze German’s mind so I left it. Another comment was regarding his frustrations with his sister because she is emotional. I could be reading into things too deeply but it was sounding a little like this person looked down on ‘female’ traits of emotionality and desire to talk things through. Maybe he just has a highly emotional sister. At this point I couldn’t tell. I let it slide and diverted conversation back to safer topics… politics for example (lucky neither of us were too political).

The other thing that happened during the date that I was not comfortable with involved ze German blowing his nose. He managed to wipe a booger on to the top of it! This was more than a little off putting so after a minute or so I suggested he may want to wipe again. He did. It was gone… or so I thought. Then he wiped it back there again! I would have laughed but I was too disgusted by the yellow sticky mass on top of his nose. I couldn’t believe it! I again, suggested he blew his nose. Finally it was gone, but in the meantime I had decided that the booger and the white spittle had resulted in a desire for no physical contact on this date.

We headed back to the car. He opened my door for me. This was strange as I was clearly standing next to the door and he was next to his, and I had to move out of the way for him to do it. I like a man to offer but surely I am capable of opening one car door! Although a few things had been a little off-putting I had enjoyed the ease of conversation and the different approach and energy of this date. I agreed to the second date.

It came time to say goodbye and he kissed me goodbye on the lips. It was only a peck so I put my reservations aside and accepted it politely saying goodnight. He then asked for another “for ze road”. I found that weird and awkward but for some reason decided to allow him one more peck. I quickly left the car after that, wondering why I had let him kiss me a second time (this should have been an indicator to pay attention to).

The second date was not as eventful. We went and played mini-golf. By this point I knew solidly that if forced to make a decision about being in a relationship with this guy then the answer would be a definite no, but there was potential for it to develop into something over time. I spent a lot of the date trying to suggest slowing things down and starting with friendship only. Ze German actually said “Oh, I like being friends wiz girls first but zey usually don’t like that”. I replied that I do. I then continued to raise conversation around internet dating etiquette versus normal social etiquette (oh yes there is a difference), observations on emotional and mental states (and sometimes desperation) of people signing up and involved in internet dating, kissing (or in this case not kissing) and the assumptions people make when on an ‘internet date’. He told me that I think too much.

The last two men that said “you’re thinking too much” or “stop thinking so much” to me were doing things behind my back that I did not agree with and that I would end a relationship over (you know, small little things like sleeping with others or stealing your money). I previously ignored my instincts and have paid the price for doing so. If I am thinking too much then it probably indicates something is not quite right. Even if it doesn’t, it is important for me in my profession to be self aware, and to analyse behaviours, interactions and emotions, especially those that may interfere with interpersonal and therapeutic relationships (not that I am feeling a need to defend myself here). This is who I am and if concerns about that are being raised by date 2, then that is a problem! What was also becoming evident was that this person didn't like his women to be emotional or analytical. What was he looking for (it didn't seem to be me)?

So it came time to say goodbye. He dropped me at my car and as I was about to get out he leaned in for a kiss. I turned my head to the side so he could only catch a cheek. He came back for a second so I turned my head to the other side. You think he would have got the picture. In my head it felt like I was acting out a scene from the Looney Tunes show featuring Pepe Le Pew. He then said “on ze lips”. It was clear that the energy I had put in to creating a ‘just friends’ experience had gone to waste and I was being forced to make a decision about whether there was a relationship. Can you guess what I decided?

I phoned him later to let him know that I did not want to go on another date. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "I've been thinking and I'm not feeling that we have what I want in a relationship"

Him: "Well I still think we should have anozer few dates so we can get to know each other a bit more"

Me: "I am happy to be just friends only" (I wasn't really).

Him: "You're thinking too much. I think what's happening is you're going home and thinking about what I said and then what you said and over thinking it all. I think it is detrimental to you relationships"

Me (feeling quite annoyed now): "You are assuming that I am basing this decision on what I am thinking rather than what I am feeling. I am not"

Him: "Okay, well I am still happy to go out with you this weekend"

I didn't go out with him again.

Following this date I have gone back to my decision to only date people my age or older. I don't think it was his age that was the problem, but he certainly came across as entitled and judgemental. I like to think that time weathers these characteristics down a bit. Ze German is a person who has not struggled for much in his life and was quick to make assumptions of others. This didn't sit well with me and it was clear I didn't want to be with him, even after the first date. The chin was also a little concerning. I like a chiseled jawline on a man and couldn't help but think about my future children. I want them to have a jawline too! I probably should have called it there on date 1 but there is a small thought in my head that comes in from time to time saying "be open to experience. Give it one more chance". So far the voice has always been wrong!

Mr. Tall

Mr. Tall is a man I met very recently. He grabbed my attention in his first email by making me guess every detail about him. At first this was interesting and different. It was a change from the usual emails that either say nothing, or everything all at once. After the third email with no response to “so what do you do for a living?” or its equivalent, I couldn't decide whether the run around was still interesting or whether it was now just annoying. I was definitely leaning towards annoying.

I eventually established that this person had worked a number of professions (I guessed two but gave up and put my foot down in relation to the third one). He was intelligent, well traveled and despite the annoying guesswork, he was actually interesting.

Mr. Tall’s profile read well. He was 6ft tall and purposely made it interesting. He didn't give anything away (much like the first few emails) but put enough catchy comment to leave you hanging. His pictures were a little small and taken from a distance but were of travel overseas. I proceeded with contact.

On the advice of a friend who also uses an online matching site I requested a phone call before meeting (to screen my potential dates once more before putting myself out there in the real world). He replied to my email with a text message pointing out that he hated phone calls but would gladly call to rule out my being a man posing as a woman. I think he was trying to be funny. I didn’t laugh.

He phoned while I was at my parents place. I had just come back from an overseas holiday and was enjoying a drink or two with the folks before the phone call. I may have been slightly under the influence. I excused myself to take the phone call in private. My initial thought, besides that quick one about bad timing, was that his voice was a little high pitched. Now because I was feeling rather merry I figured I was over-exaggerating things in my head. The phone call actually went well. I ranted about the exploitation of people, animals and environment in Asia and he agreed with me. He also agreed to calling me another time to give me clues on our date. To be honest my memory is a little hazy about most of the conversation but I do recall his comment about me not being a man. I think he was trying to be funny. I didn't laugh.

The second phone call was 2 days before our date. It went something like this:

Him: “Meet me at the Restaurant at 12:15”

Me: “Are we having lunch?”

Him: “You can grab something if you want to?”

Me: “So is this going to be one of those weird dates where I come along and order lunch and you sit there watching me eat?” (This is actually something that has happened on a date so I felt a need to clarify)

Him: “It is kind of hard for me to eat out as I am on a no sugar diet. I will be eating something small before I come”

Me: “So I will eat before I come then”

Him: “We can grab a Tea and then we will head out from there”

So we met. When he stood up to greet me I was faced with… well “faced with” implies he was at eye-height. Let’s just say that he was not the 6ft that his profile worded him up to be. I am 5ft 6 (well, probably closer to 5ft 5). He came up to my shoulder! All of a sudden the pitch of his voice didn't seem so odd. It made me think though, at what point did he think I wouldn't notice the difference in 1/2ft? This certainly removed several points from this persons tally (not the height, but the mis-representation of self... and if I am being honest, height also had an impact).

I did my best 'don't look surprised' face (something that I have become very good at since commencing online dating) and I ignored the height difference and moved on to grill him about the no-sugar diet.  I bought him a cup of tea (no milk or sugar) and myself a coffee with both. He explained how fantastic the diet was and why he was on it (to give it a go). Now I am not one for diets so he lost a few more points here. I have a healthy and balanced diet (occasionally tipping the scales for dairy with my cheese addiction) but don't agree with pure and outright restriction. My view is that life is too short to discount all the wonderful olfactory and gustatory stimulation received from a wonderful meal. Depending on the framework that you consider highly restrictive eating, it can also be an unhealthy disorder related to control in less than mentally-healthy individuals. Not that I was putting any labels out there.

It came time to go to the next part of the date. I was told that it was something he had always wanted to do and that he hoped I hadn't before. I was of course left to guess where we were heading next. I reeled off a list of possibilities of which our final destination was amongst them. We moved toward the next activity. As what we were going to be doing became clear, I informed my date that I had in fact been to this place 5 times. He was apologetic but had already purchased a ticket (and wanted to go himself) so I spent the next two hours wandering patiently through a museum. Luckily for me there was a new exhibition which entertained me enough, but we did it separately, meeting up from time to time in between rooms of art.

I should also point out that when we were having a conversation this person did not look at me or make eye-contact when talking, but instead glanced across from time to time. Everything about my date, and our first date left me feeling very under-enthusiastic about additional contact. I said good night and drove away from this person without looking back.

I did a little bit of thinking after this date. It was raising questions in my mind such as - could I be attracted to a man shorter than myself? Was it the height or the deception that bothered me more? Is someone's dietary preferences (or their reasoning for them) influential in my perception of someone? Is there a way to recover in a following date if there was nothing moving in the initial encounter? All of these could warrant blogs of their own.

I settled the questions in my head by falling back on my trusty protocols for managing internet dating. This date reinforced the pearler "If it is awkward before you meet, chances are it is likely to be the same or worse in person". Maybe you can overcome these things with time, but let's face it, I don't want to have to work on and manage a relationship from the first date. I want my relationship to be the sound thing that I leave work and enjoy coming home to. I am making the assumption that I am not alone on this one but the reality is, sometimes that's how I feel because of this ideal... alone. I can understand why some people settle. I'm not one of them, at least not yet, but I can understand why it happens.