The Irish Guy

On first contact The Irish Guy sent a brief email talking about his time in Australia. Like many emails I get I was thrown the line "tell me something about yourself". I get this a lot and feel varying degrees of frustration to it (I discuss my opinions about this line in another blog).  Through email I found out a little bit about him. He was excited by and very fond of Australia.  Professionally, he previously wanted to work in human services helping people but couldn't disengage from work. He became a consulting professional in a different industry instead. We emailed and decided to have phone contact soon after.

The first phone call was wonderful. Although his accent was not strong (a bit of a disappointment for me), we spoke for hours. The biggest thing I was impressed with was his comment on my writing style. He identified that I responded to what he wrote, added some related information about myself and then asked another related question of him. It is nice to have my efforts acknowledged. It also suggested that he was a good communicator. After two and a half weeks we decided to meet up.

The first date
I suggested we grab my toboggan and head up to the snow. He preferred to meet for coffee first (my feeling about this discussed in another blog).  He had gone down to the morning market to meet up with friends beforehand. I was moving a chest of drawers while my friend was not using her ute. I managed to pick up the drawers and get them into the car but then came the dilemma of getting them out of the ute into my unit. I decided to give him a call. His friends had bailed on him in the morning so he was more than happy to help. I picked him up on the way past, we moved the drawers (which gave him a good opportunity to flex his man muscles), grabbed a coffee, and then decided  it was sufficiently pleasant enough to go for lunch too.

We joked and laughed through lunch. It was a welcome change to my usual date experience. He also made it very clear that he will not let me pay for anything and would be offended should I not allow him to cover the date. Another nice change (I did buy dessert though to make myself feel better for not paying my way). I have to admit, The Irish Guy so far was the best date I had come across.

Second Date
We decided to catch up again for lunch on a work day. We worked in relatively close proximity so we met in the middle and grabbed a meal. I have to admit, I had spoken with a friend in between date 1 and 2. She had me questioning the visa status in case he was looking to get hitched. It was the only question I aimed to have answered on date two. We chatted about work and our week so far. And I found out that he is in the country on a skilled working visa. That means there are no restrictions on him to stay in the country. We discussed the next date. He was having to do some work but keen on catching up on the Sunday anyway (time permitting). We finished our meals and he kissed me goodbye. There was a spark of chemistry. Things were looking very good.

Third Date
At around 11am on Sunday I messaged him, letting him know I was heading to the gym (and would by definition be busy for the next couple of hours). I asked how his work was going and to let me know about afternoon tea or dinner. 1 hour later I got a reply. "Will do". It didn't tell me how his work was going (and whether or not we looked to be catching up), which by this point he would have surely known. I don't like feeling as though I am chasing someone so I didn't reply. At 7:30pm I got a second message. It said "I am still working and not likely to catch up for dinner". No shit Sherlock!  I had already eaten and settled in for the night. I wished him the best with his work (but remained dirty about the lack of information he provided).

We ended up doing lunch again on a work day as the actual 3rd date. We did pleasantries. I was struggling letting go the previous mishap and was going to raise it when he said "thanks for being so understanding about last weekend". It annoyed me that he had raised it in that way. Given we had only really just met I didn't want to push too much anyway, but after a thank-you it was too tricky to raise my concerns. So I didn't push the topic.

Then things started taking a turn for the worse. For me, when there is something that is not sitting well with me, what I notice is physical characteristics. Someone who looked otherwise okay at this point will become a little strange, their features drawing my attention and focus. I noticed this guys face. His features appeared to be smooshed into the middle of his head. There was a lot of head each side of his face.

He kissed me goodbye but this time the spark was gone... in its place, a small amount or bitterness (and a whole lot of head coming toward and away from me).

We met one last time. I wasn't un-excited to be meeting up, I just wasn't excited either. We had a lovely dinner, then I dropped him off home. I met up with a friend the next day. She asked me what I liked about him. My reply was:
1. He is Irish (and has an Irish accent).
2. He the nicest/most normal guy I have come across through the internet dating site.
3. He pays for meals.

She decided that it was not a good sign. Through the conversation it was decided that an acceptable answer to this question in future, indicating a good partner, would meet 4 criteria:
1. I love their mind.
2. I love their body/face/appearance.
3. They love my mind.
4. They love my body/face/appearance.

I texted him during the week, asking him how it was going and hoping that work was less busy. He responded with "mad busy but I getting through it". I considered this a little dismissive so I let it go, not expecting to hear from him again... or caring too much about it. Two weeks letter I got a text apologising for not being in touch. I thanked him and called it as I saw it - lack of interest. He replied stating that it definately wasn't for a lack of interest, but rather lack of time. I guess my initial thoughts about him being a good communicator were off. If he were, he would probably have spent the extra 30 secs to say as much in earlier messages Or Maybe he would not have left it two weeks.

I have often reflected on the third date mishap and its impact on my feelings for Mr. Irish. Had we caught up on the Sunday, would that spark have been kindled? If it had have been date 4 or 5 would it have mattered so much? Maybe I would still be seeing the Irish Guy now.

Maybe the reality is that timing (and communication) can be everything.