The Sniffer

One of the many entertaining experiences I have been blessed with since commencing my internship with internet dating was with a man I like to call ‘The Sniffer’.

To give you a bit of background on this character, he was a medical professional from another country on locum at the hospital. His pictures were posed but relatively decent. There were no half naked shots in the mirror, just the male equivalent of the pouty, duck face. He looked attractive, intelligent, interesting and financially secure… great on paper at least (or shall I say on screen?).

He picked me up in his new Nissan GTR, carbon fibre panelled imported car to head out for dinner. The leather smell was still strong and obviously new. The car looked like it had just rolled off the demo floor. He certainly made a first impression (even though I am not into cars). I probably shouldn't jump to conclusions but based on his desire to make an impression, my mind was already making assumptions about which fancy restaurant we would be dining in.  

So the venue wasn’t quite what I was expecting from a wealthy high earning, fast car driving professional. We parked out back of an eatery where the meals were priced the same as the hour on the clock. It was 6:0 0pm when we arrived. I ordered something basic, like a chicken schnitzel. Their menu wasn’t extensive and at $6 a meal I can’t expect too much. The meal met my lowered expectations but the beer accompanying it was lovely.

We picked a nice little spot in a round booth. In hindsight, probably not the best table to pick but at 6pm there were quite a few tables taken up by $6 diners. In order to sit next to each other, I had to compromise all left elbow movement which made eating a little difficult. It is lucky that my travel days have left me well rehearsed in small space eating.

I was a good half way through my highly expensive and exotic dish when The Sniffer did just that!! There I was, mouthful of food with my date leaning in and sniffing at my shoulder. It was the longest inhale I have ever experienced. At the time I was wishing that clicking my heels and repeating “there is no place like home” actually worked as an escape strategy. Failing that I still had plenty of time to consider the current level of awkwardness (about a 9/10) and focus my internal monologue on “pretend everything is normal”, all while the inhale was happening.

Much to his disappointment I opted “no” for heading out for more fun after dinner. After dropping me back I did get a text message later that night from him. It read “I can still smell you all over me”. I had no idea that a gauche goodbye hug could result in such a sensory experience for someone. I have since withheld hugging at the end of uncomfortable encounters. 

So what did I take home from this experience? I learnt that just because you are a professional, doesn’t mean that you don't have a weird quirk or two. I also learnt that looking good on screen does not hide the fact that there is usually a reason for singledom. In answering my question (“Why is this person single?”) I made a brief assessment that the lack of understanding of social boundaries has probably limited this guy’s opportunities. I mean, if it is your thing to sniff others then great, but you might want to check the waters before diving in… its cold and dateless if you get that one wrong!